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I can’t believe how hot it has been for the last week. It was officially 46 degrees at one point last weekend, which means you can be sure that it was probably about 50 degrees in Nicosia at the hottest point. The sort of temperatures guaranteed to make the environmentalist lobby even more smug and patronising than usual, ranting on about climate change and carbon emissions. On the upside, it may of course help them with their penchant for dressing really badly; if you do have to go out, there is very little that you can wear in these kinds of temperatures.

They are the sort of temperatures that really make me question the sanity of anyone who chooses to come to Cyprus on holiday in July and August. What kind of person goes into a travel agent and says, please find me a holiday on an island far away that is scorched dry, expensive to get to, over-priced and regularly hits temperatures that are seriously bad for your health. The only sane thing to do in this weather is stay inside the air-conditioning, watch every DVD series on the planet and talk to your friends on Facebook who live in more temperate climes and actually have something to talk about because, of course, unlike you, they can get out and do things.

In the last week I have managed to finish watching the complete first and second series of Lie To Me, a brilliant US series about a psychologist and deception expert who can tell when people are lying and work out why. Thirty hours of great TV viewing interrupted only by the occasional trip to the supermarket to recycle the empty bottles of wine, necessary to accompany this forced lounging around, good-for-nothing lifestyle. I need to do something to make me feel better about the enormous amount of carbon emissions coming from the air-con units. My carbon footprint must be enormous. But I can make a positive contribution if I make the re-cycling worthwhile. It is all about getting a balance!

And while lounging on the sofa with the deception expert, I have actually learnt a few things about micro-expressions and how to interpret people’s emotions. On a short trip to my local kiosk to buy cigarettes, I put this valuable knowledge into practice. After waiting patiently for ten minutes to be served, the kiosk owner ignored me and served the man behind me, who had just come in. In the past, I would have lost my temper and shouted a lot. This time, I calmly asked him why he chose to do that. The facial contortions were fascinating as he tried to lie his way out of it. Because of course he couldn’t just admit that he was a sexist git.

So thirty hours well spent in a way. But I really have to get off the island and soon because I am running out of things to watch. I am not going to feel guilty about the carbon emissions on air travel because what I clock up on air travel, I will be saving on the air-con emissions and trips to the supermarket to recycle….