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Where was the April Fool’s story in the paper? I am not sure. Could it be the story about an albino wallaby in Paphos or a herd of mini moufflon spotted in in wooded areas in recent months? Or perhaps the story in yesterday’s paper about the joint statement from Talat and Christofias that is not actually a joint statement? Whatever sort of statement it was it didn’t really say much, ‘nothing is agreed unless everything is agreed’! And it didn’t mention the pot plants in the buffer zone….

Having got rid of the kids for the evening, my partner and I decided to stroll across the Ledra Street crossing, for dinner. I won’t say where just in case anyone tries to sue us. But walking across the checkpoint we both noticed the improvements to the buildings under the Nicosia Master Plan and commented on the lovely pot plants in the middle of the buffer zone, which were bone dry. Whose responsibility is it to water them, we wondered? Either the UN has been very remiss in their watering duties or a settlement is imminent!

Well, there are reasons to be optimistic. The two sides may have more common ground than they think, most of the women in the north seem to drink diet coke, just like in the south and smoking appears to have been banned in the restaurants, with half the clientele sitting outside having a fag. What was different? Lots of people out to dinner with their children. What were the children doing? Running around the restaurant, creating havoc and ruining the meal for customers like us, who had come out to getaway from the noisy, badly behaved little brats. It really shouldn’t be allowed.

I can’t help feeling that in some ways a ban on small children in restaurants, rather than smoking, would be more conducive to having a good time in a post-settlement Cyprus. If young children are to be taken out in the evenings, they really need to be strapped to a chair or taught to be ‘seen and not heard.’ It might be a peculiarly British attitude but it definitely has some merit. It is not something you see that much of in the south these days, possibly because anyone with money seems to have a Sri Lankan or Philippino maid that takes the strain in the evenings. Perhaps the settlement can include a provision that post settlement exploitation of maids can become even cheaper and both sides can benefit!