I HAVE to say that what is going on in our region is rather scary. From some parts of Kyproulla apparently you could see the missiles flying in the direction of Tel Aviv on Friday night, which acted as a timely reminder of how close the regional pillar of stability and security is to Iran’s target.

To its credit the government tried to turn this closeness to our advantage with government spokesman Mini Me, saying on Friday after the meeting of the national security council under the prez, that Kyproulla as the closest member-state of the EU in the region will contribute in every possible way to the efforts to de-escalate the crisis.

It made perfect sense. When you are close to the war zone, even if you are a midget country without any power and influence, you are in a better position to contribute to the de-escalation of the crisis. You can just hop over to Israel and de-escalate and we can also get to Iran much faster than any other EU state.

Do not want to be scaremongering here, but given our closeness to Israel should we be worried that we may be accidentally – or not – hit by an Iranian missile, while our government is busy de-escalating?

THE REAL scaremongering was undertaken by Interior Minister Constantinos Ioannou who on Saturday proudly reminded everyone about the existence of the civil defence’s ‘SafeCY’ app which allows users to find the bomb shelter closest to their house or office.

The SafeCY shelter locator app had been launched in March, but Ioannou obviously thought this was a good time to remind people of its existence. The minister clearly thought that it might be needed. Apparently, there is a bomb shelter in every neighbourhood.

Well, the App may need some updating because according to a caramel latte drinking customer who lives in Larnaca two of the shelters listed close to her do not exist. The PALM MPITS CHOTEL, OROKLINE (sic) shelter is currently a building site, while the MESOPOTAMIA PRINSES CHOTEL OROKLINE(sic) has been demolished.

With bomb shelter locator apps being promoted by the interior minister, film clips on social media of the missiles falling on Tel Aviv as seen from Kyproulla, and our government presenting our closeness to the bombing as some kind of advantage, I am surprised that the Hoteliers Association have not started crying that all this will affect tourism.

ORIGINALLY, we had thought that only Prezniktwo and a few journalists suffered from the delusions of grandeur bug, but it appears that the bug has also attacked Foreign Minister Constantinos Kombos.

On Friday, in a delusions of grandeur tour de force after the national security council meeting, Mini Me informed us that Kombos had telephone conversations with the foreign ministers of Israel and Iran as well as with “leaders of counties of the region such as Lebanon, Iraq, Jordan, Bahrain, Egypt, Oman, Palestine and the United Kingdom”.

Asked by hacks what Kombos had told his Israeli and Iranian counterparts, Mini Me said that he conveyed the consistent position of the Cyprus Republic for the need to de-escalate the crisis in the region and ensure the security of the region.

If the missile attacks and air-strikes that followed were anything to go by, we can conclude that both the Israeli and the Iranian ministers completely ignored Kombos’ advice; they probably did not even listen to the voice message he left.

Still, Mini Me was very proud of Kombos’ phone calls and remained committed to the government’s delusional diplomacy. The Republic, he said, “will once again prove its stabilising role in the region”.

DELUSIONS also affect hacks. Zeus Group boss, Chrysanthos Tsouroullis was on telly the other night complaining because we have not followed the example of Israel.

Appearing on the Sigma TV news and talking about the crisis, the courageous Tsouroullis ruefully castigated our failure to be like Israelis: “I will finish thus: Lion people, lion leader, sheep people, servile leader. We must decide what we want to be, because we are not without responsibility … Israel has a plan, a way of thinking that reaches the last family, whereas we act as if we do not have half our country under occupation.”

Does Tsouroullis act as if half our country is under occupation, when he is taking selfies enjoying the high life on yachts and luxury hotels with his partner and posting them on social media? As for us, we have already decided what we want to be. We want to be public parasites, exerting minimum effort for maximum reward. Some might even want to be like Tsouroullis – bash patriotic bon viveurs.

SPEAKING of public parasites, I was astonished to read that the House health committee held a “small ceremony” so that its deputies could “express their appreciation for the long contribution made to public health” by Dr Christina Yiannaki, the recently pensioned permanent secretary of the health ministry.

Dr Yiannaki was given a symbolic gift. The committee president Efthymios Diplaros praised her “integrity, consistency and determination… always serving the public interest ethically and responsibly”. She was paid pretty well by the taxpayer to do all this so why had Diplaros decided to honour her?

Had she sent one of his relatives for treatment to a hospital abroad as she had done for countless politicians when she was serving the public interest, admittedly for very handsome rewards? How long before Disy sets up the Dr Yiannaki Awards to go with the Zeta Emilianidou awards?

ALL NEWS media reported that prime minister of India, Narendra Modi would be visiting Cyprus on Sunday on his way to Canada for the G7 meeting.

All the reports were based on a story in the Indian daily newspaper The Hindu, but there is a sneaking suspicion that the source of the story was the Cyprus government. The giveaway was the following:

“Sources in New Delhi hinted that the Cyprus visit will serve as a message to Türkiye, which had assisted Pakistan during Operation Sindoor in May.” No serious government talks in terms of “messages”. Only the Christodoulides government does this, and I would bet that the “sources in New Delhi” were Cypriot, probably working at the embassy.

If Modi wanted to send a message to Turkey there are a million other, much more effective ways to do this than visiting the regional centre for delusions of grandeur.