Sometimes you’ll wish you hadn’t watched something. CONSTANTINOS PSILLIDES looks at what you might want to avoid, or watch from behind your hand

We like it switch it up here at the Cyprus Mail every now and then. Three weeks ago we gave you a lovely article with suggestions on which summer movies to watch to get into that chill summer vibe. Now, we are going in the opposite direction and suggest movies that will most definitely, without question, make you wish you haven’t left the comfort of your home. Here are five movie suggestions on Netflix that will ruin your vacation faster than a poorly-designer submersible.

Jaws

The OG, the original underwater jump-scare, the film that made people think twice before going for a swim. Just for the record, the chances of being attacked by a shark are infinitesimal, 1 in 3.75 million. You are far more likely to get hit by lightning. The chances of being struck by lightning while being attacked by a shark? No idea but I think we can all agree that if that ever happens to you, it truly was your time to go. And it will make a hell of a story, worthy of Valhalla! But I digress.

Jaws tells the story of a great white shark terrorising a small coastal town. Chief of Police Rob Schneider decides to take action but killing the beast is no small feat.

Shallows

“Nah man, I ain’t goin’ too deep. I’m stayin’ in the shallows, man”. I don’t know why I gave you, dear reader, the voice of 1980s stoner/beach bum but I’m sticking to it. Not going over the deep end you say? Aren’t you lucky! I have just the movie for you!

Shallows is a 2016 survival-horror film about Nancy, a young woman who decides to drop out of med school and instead go surfing at a secluded beach that her mother told her about. While there, you guessed it, she is attacked by a shark that forces her to seek refuge on a nearby buoy.

I know it’s a cliché but this film will have you on the edge of your seat! Blake Lively delivers an amazing performance and you cannot help but root for her as she struggles to survive. The film is fairly predictable although there are a couple of twists and turns you won’t see coming. Highly recommended, if you never want to go in the water again.

Blackfish

“Joke’s on you man. I’m not going in the water. I’m just visiting an aquarium”. Oh, are you Cody (yes, I actually decided on a name), are you? Allow me to spoil that as well.

Blackfish came out in 2013 and did to SeaWorld what social media did to our attention span. The documentary dealt with male orca Tilikum and the conditions under which he and other sea creatures were captured and kept at SeaWorld. The documentarian alleged that horrid living conditions had a major psychological impact on Tilikum, making him psychotic and violent, resulting in the death of three people.

The documentary had a huge cultural impact and cost SeaWorld tens of millions in damages, lost revenue, and lawsuits while shedding much-needed light on animals in captivity.

Heart of the Sea

“Wow dude you are like, totally killin’ my buzz. I’m goin’ on a cruise to meet people and have a great time”. Oh Cody. One would assume that by now you would have learned that there is no escaping the Vacation Destroyer!

Welcome traveller aboard the whaling ship Essex! If you look to your left you will see excess whale fat from the last whale we speared, brought on board, and butchered. On your right, why, that’s Hollywood heartthrob Chris Hemsworth with up-and-comer Tom Holland and next to them Mr Oppenheimer himself Cillian Murphy! Heart of the Sea tells the true story of the whaleboat Essex that had a run-in with a massive sperm whale and how that encounter went poorly for one of them. Spoiler: it is not the giant sea monster. Struggling to survive in open water, the sailors were forced to resort to the unthinkable to stay alive.

Cast Away

“Aight, aight! No more water for me! I’m going on a plane and flying wherever”. Really Cody? Are you going to make it that easy for me? Have you ever met… Wilson?

Cast Away is a movie classic, a roaring triumph by Tom Hanks! A FedEx employee obsessed with time, Hanks’ cargo plane is struck by lightning and crash lands near an uncharted island. Armed with only his wits, our hero tries to survive in the wild, all the while hoping against hope that someone, anyone, will rescue him. Oh, by the way, book a dentist appointment. It will make sense once you watch the movie.