How to beat loneliness in Cyprus

‘You do the shopping, walk the dogs, make a meal. You try to keep yourself busy. But then you find you’ve gone three days without speaking to another soul…’

Last month, we wrote about an app that promised to help people make friends in Cyprus. Its premise was that it brought people together online, and that those friendships could then be translated into a real-life setting.

Thousands of people read the article. Hundreds signed up to the app. And more commented positively. But among the responses were a few that were less keen: ‘Great!’ was the gist. ‘But what about us oldies?’

We’re paraphrasing here. But the sentiments expressed were clear: older people are often less inclined (or able) to use digital technology. And yet they’re just as much in need of friends. Especially when they’ve recently retired, or lost their partner, or are uncomfortable going out alone…

“Last week, I went to a dinner dance in Paphos,” says 75-year-old Molly Fortescue. “I stayed the night in a hotel so I didn’t have to drive home in the dark. And at breakfast the next morning, I couldn’t help but notice I was the only person eating alone. Logically, I know that nobody gave me a second glance. But I couldn’t help but feel everyone was judging me.”

Molly’s experience is far from unusual. But, having lost her husband six years ago, she’s had enough of feeling lonely. And so she’s starting a venture that may help those who, for whatever reason, share the same feeling…

“Once Tony had gone,” she recalls, “it was like I’d lost myself too. For a year I just didn’t know if I was coming or going; didn’t know what to do with myself.

“Friends and neighbours were always there with a kind word and a supportive shoulder,” she adds. “But it just wasn’t the same. You do the shopping, walk the dogs, make a meal. You try to keep yourself busy. But then you find you’ve gone three days without speaking to another soul. And loneliness sets in…”

Cyprus is a very family-oriented country; just three in 10,000 Cypriots claim to have no relatives, and more than 50 per cent get together with their kin on a daily basis. But we’re still a lonely nation. According to a recent study, Ireland, Bulgaria, Greece and Cyprus all experience the highest levels of loneliness in Europe – at any given time, over 16 per cent of the population is feeling quite lonesome.

“And it’s worse, I suspect, if you don’t have family here,” says Molly. “What about the people who aren’t surrounded by children and grandchildren? And what about those who’ve lost a partner; or the people who’ve retired and found they’re lacking regular company? And how can you ever meet new people if, understandably, you don’t want to go out alone?

“I have a friend in her 60s who recently retired, only to discover her husband never left the house!” Molly adds. “She’d never realised he spent all day on his iPad. And even though she was married, she began to feel really lonely.”

The reasons for loneliness in later age are legion, she adds. But the solution is nigh! Because, spurred on by her own experiences, Molly has launched Cyprus’ very first event aimed at those who simply need a bit of company, who wouldn’t mind a few potential friends. It’s called Talkin’ Tables.

“This was an initiative that began in Lancashire,” she explains. “It was started by a friend of a friend, Christine Owens Tremain, and has since grown into an almost nationwide venture. The idea is that you set up an event at a local coffeeshop or restaurant, spread the word, and then see who shows up…

“Anyone who does is welcomed by the organiser, shown to the table, and introduced to the others. And from there on, it’s completely up to you. You can chat or stay silent; order a cup of tea or drink tap water; participate or simply enjoy being with company.

“There are no expectations or obligations – it’s a really casual, non-judgemental environment. And a testament to the importance of human connection in an increasingly lonely, isolated world.”

Talkin’ Tables Cyprus held their first event on November 27 at the Hickory Restaurant in Paphos. Molly, despite claiming to be “not a great organiser!”, arranged the whole thing, and was on hand to welcome everyone to the table.

“I’d posted about the event a week or so in advance, both on my own Facebook page and a couple of other Paphos-related sites,” she explains. “I thought we’d get maybe two or three people. But on the day, I was really surprised: 10 people showed up! And I think we all had a lovely time.

“We talked about everything and nothing – our lives, how lonely we felt, and how nice it was to go somewhere and meet somebody. We chatted about maybe going for a meal together one day. And about how great it felt not to be judged because we were lonely.”

Talkin’ Tables is very much come as you are, do what you want, and basically enjoy being around others. An antidote to the constant loneliness experienced as we age.

“But it’s not just about older people,” Molly adds. “Yes, everyone at our first event was over 50; one woman brought her 80-year-old mother-in-law! But the concept transcends age: if you’re in your 20s or 30s, but feeling lonely, come along! There’s always going to be someone to chat to.”

After just one Talkin’ Tables, Molly has already had two calls from people who want to set up similar events in other regions of Cyprus: “Kouklia,” she says. “And Peyia. You know, loneliness isn’t limited to retired expats,” she chuckles…

“I live in a small village where everyone knows me, but I still feel lonely. Other people I know live in towns, but feel a bit lost among the hustle and bustle.

“The simple truth is that loneliness is something that can be experienced by anyone, anywhere, at any time. And that’s okay. But if you do feel you need a bit of company now and then, you know where to come!”

Talkin’ Tables Cyprus takes place at the Hickory Restaurant in Paphos every Monday from 10.30 to 11.30am (except on public holidays). Everyone is welcome! For more information, visit https://www.talkintables.co.uk/cyprus