Bullies know how to pick on their victim: by targeting them where they know it will hurt

By Dr Vasilios Silivistris

Bullying is a verb that refers to the use of superior strength or influence to intimidate someone, usually with the intention of forcing them to do something.

Bullies are very cunning, and they are experts at getting away with it. Bullies can operate alone or as part of a group.

Bullying at primary, secondary and technical schools in Cyprus is on the increase.

Bullying can be

Verbal (name-calling)

Physical (hitting and kicking)

Virtual (cyber-bullying)

Threats (name-calling via the internet or text)

A combination of all four.

Bullies know exactly how to upset their victims by picking on their sensitive points. The person being bullied can feel a whole range of emotions, from being very upset and shut out, to feeling suicidal and often self-harming.

Frequently, the person feels alone, helpless, powerless and afraid that if they tell anyone, the bullying will get worse. This can affect their health, confidence, self-esteem and schoolwork.

How to solve the problem

Ignore the bully where possible.

Bullies are looking for a reaction from you, so do not give them the satisfaction.

Tell a teacher you can trust. The teacher can quietly alert other teachers to keep an eye on the situation and catch the bully red-handed.

Tell a friend who you can trust. It is good to have a witness whenever possible. If you feel that you would like some moral support, ask your friend to accompany you to see the teacher.

Tell a parent. It will not stop unless you speak out.

Keep a record of the dates, times and instances when the bullying occurs.

If your health is being affected in any way, speak to your family doctor. Alternatively, it is always a good idea to speak with a trained therapist.

Bullying can dramatically lower the self-esteem of the victim.

When it occurs in childhood, it may interfere with the development of social skills and normal relationships.

Victims of bullying often feel afraid to revisit the location of bullying, which is especially problematic when bullying occurs at school.

In extreme cases, victims of bullying may attempt suicide.

Therapy for bullying

Victims of bullying may find a supportive and safe environment to address their feelings in counselling or therapy.

Being a victim of bullying can result in difficult emotions such as anger, shame, anxiety, and isolation.

Therapy can help victims of bullying notice, share and process painful feelings, which, if left unattended, can negatively affect wellbeing.

A trained therapist can help a person better understand how this role impacts their lives, as well as teach coping skills for moving forward, such as assertive communication and boundary-setting.

People who bully others may also benefit from therapy, though they may be reluctant to acknowledge their bullying behaviour openly.

In therapy, bullies may begin to understand the impact their hurtful behaviour has on others, explore reasons for why they bully, learn new skills for communicating positively with others, and address personal experiences that may have contributed to their bullying behaviour.

Often, bullies have unresolved personal wounds that contribute to their bullying behaviour, and addressing these emotional wounds or identity and social issues can be an integral step towards stopping bullying behaviour.

Finally, Bullies are often surrounded by other children, not through popularity but through fear. Bullies are weak, disordered, dysfunctional and emotionally immature, as shown by their need to bully. Bullies compensate for their weakness with aggression and a lack of social skills.

Dr Vasilios Silivistris (Vasos) is a psychotherapist, counselling practitioner psychotherapycounselling.uk